Fallen Angels (2012 ETAQ Writing Competition Section D Grade 6&7 Short Story Winner)
A beguiling sound intruded his dark dreams, whispering to him; beckoning him as if calling his name. Without hesitation, he rose, taking flight from his caliginous abode to follow its sweet trail.
He stood on the edge of the divine meadow. A playful breeze flirted with the tall, flourishing grasses, dancing amongst the abundant wildflowers which rioted across the meadow, splashing the vast landscape with their vibrant colours. The sun blazed proudly in a sparkling azure sky, showering the scene with soft warmth. A majestic cherry tree commanded the centre of the valley, its broad limbs extending to shelter a clear crystalline pool, adorned by the elegant blooms of the water lilies. Under the great tree he could see it, the source of the miraculous sound.
Glossy curls tumbled down her back, the unbound strands glimmering golden in the sun's pure light. The loose cotton of her plain white dress danced gracefully in the spring breeze, twirling with the dainty petals of the cherry tree as she leant forward to savour the sweet fragrance of a coral lily. Her eyes were closed; long, golden lashes brushing up against her cheeks, rosy against the pale porcelain of her unblemished skin. A pair of lush, rosebud lips was slightly parted in a tender, blissful smile.The wordless melody rang throughout the valley, speaking of love and life, as if Heaven dwelled in each note.
As the song reached its climax, she threw back her head and flung out her slender arms as if to embrace the pure joy of the tune, her flaxen locks fluttering behind her. Suddenly two magnificent wings erupted from her back, their ivory lengths tipped in gold, billowing behind her as she was bathed in a glorious halo of heavenly light...
The song had ended by the time she realised his presence. Slowly she peered out from under her thick lashes, hardly daring to breathe. His back was to her as she drank in his powerful visage; the thick, shaggy mane of silver hair that brushed his waist, the broadness of his back, his alabaster skin which gleamed against the heavy black fabric that shrouded him from head to toe. Most importantly, the ebony wings, tipped in silver, which were spread in full, awe-inspiring glory against the constant darkness he seemed to carry with him.
Summoning her courage, she at last managed to ask the question she had been pondering since the first time she had noticed his presence. Her voice shook, almost afraid to hear his answer.
"Why, why have you been coming here?"
Slowly, he turned, closing the distance between them in a few graceful strides, until she was close enough to smell his dangerous scent. She froze, held captive in the silver pools of his eyes, luminescent as a full moon.
"Should I tell you the reason?" His voice was filled with a raw power, as it might overflow at any minute.
Knowing well the consequences, she whispered a fervent response.
"Yes."
All at once, his lips came down upon her own, her back pressing against the cherry tree as she was hit with the full power of his kiss. She pushed herself closer against him, meeting his passion with her own.
The taste of him, dangerous and thrilling mingled with her own sweet and innocent essence, a swirling vortex of black and white forming around them as their breathing spiraled into a wild crescendo.
Smoke flew around them, and the air became hotter and hotter until the pain was almost unbearable, yet they never once broke their ardent embrace.
Suddenly, an ethereal flame erupted between the two, engulfing the sinful lovers as they clung desperately to each other; the wicked devil and the pure angel.
Judges Feedback
Finally to the winning entry, “Fallen Angels”. This young author offered up a most confronting piece of work, not only because of their significant and apt vocabulary and skill with crafting a plot that withholds the identity of the two protagonists until the final seven words, but also because of the nature of the subject matter. This short story invests most of its word limit in exploring the age-old theme of love at first sight, deliberately resisting a happy ending, instead jarring the reader with acknowledgement of sin. The vision is an eruption of an ethereal flame and its consequences are left to unfold in the reader’s mind as we learn about the pairing of the wicked devil and the pure angel. As a teacher of literature and writing, I have to say I’m not too sure what this young author has been reading to settle on such a topic, but I offer my high praise for what can only be described as a beguiling read that provides vivid descriptions of setting, characters and innermost thoughts. This young author has a talent far beyond the pop literature that graces the shelves of many teenagers’ rooms. I expect we’ll see this young author published in the not-too-distant future.
